Tormentors

After putting all the kids to bed, I sat down with my bible in the sitting room, my husband sitting on the adjacent couch with his TD Jakes book he was reading. I opened my bible and started reading the book of Isaiah 50. I read through the whole chapter and last two verses shocked me. It said "Let the one who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the name of the Lord and rely on their God. But now, all you who light fires and provide yourselves with flaming torches, go, walk in the light of your fires and of the torches you have set ablaze. This is what you shall receive from my hand: You will lie down in torment,"Isaiah 50:10b-11

That same night my husband read a scripture in Psalms during our evening devotion with the children about trusting God and not princes. Now again this scripture talks about trusting God in the dark, where I don't have any light and to rely on Him. I thought about darkness, trying to imply it on my life. When a person is the dark, the path you are walking on is not clear, in fact you will not even see the place you are standing on. I have been asking God "God what do you want me to do for  you, what is the purpose for my life?" Sometimes we girls have all happening around us, the house, husband, kids and even our careers but then again nothing happening within us. God knows, I have been crying, praying and often fasting for God to reveal his plan for my life, but it felt like he was taking time to respond. As I thought about the verses, God was whispering to my spirit to trust him, to rely on Him during this time of not knowing what is next. During this time of raising my children, being woken up by my 2 year old boy 2am because he cannot sleep due to blocked nose, and I still have to wake up early to go to work. During this time that my 5 year old is so loud and asking a lot questions while I am tired from work and still have to be loving and patient. God is telling me to trust and rely on Him while I am waiting patiently for His reply on all my questions posted to Him. 

My dear friends the next verse caught my attention. God says if I light my own fire in the dark, desperate to figure out where I am and where I am going I will receive nothing but torment. When we try to figure out why things happen the way they do, what we can do to fix them without even involving God then we become desperate, stressed and depressed. At times our situations can even seem hopeless, all this feelings are indeed tormenting. Our own choices to figure out life on our own becomes our light and fires that we set ablaze for ourselves, and all they give us is torment. 

Trusting God is a journey that takes practice, time and patience. O how lovely it is to trust our Saviour, to lead and guide us, to strengthen and encourage us. Let us make that decision to put off the lights and fires we set ablaze, and when our surroundings get dark, put our trust and hope in the One who loves us so dearly, the One who will surely be our light.

Prayer:

Thank you Father, that you are our light, that even the light of Jesus has become our very life. Please help us to wholly rely and trust in your love and goodness. In Jesus name.